A few things before the benevolent dictator awakes…

 

Having two children is MORE than TWICE the work. It may be even four times the work. It’s not necessarily physically demanding work…but it is exhausting. I find myself trying to give Allee my complete attention, while holding Lily, and also while thinking of the endless amount of housework…which means that really no one is getting attention. So then I feel guilty. And then the cycle starts all over again.

Some days are easier than others; I finally understand why people with kids schedule lots of activities until the spouse gets home–it keeps the kids busy and out of the grasp of the television. It also gives the adults something else to look at besides the same four walls (and if you are super lucky you can find an adult to have a conversation with–unfortunately all you have to talk about?? the kids!!! but still..) and it keeps the house you just straightened, clean. Yay for playdates and lessons and camp! I must sound like a horrible person–but I think I’d be more horrible to let Allee just veg out in front of the television all day. I know you must be thinking–Shelley, is that the only alternative? and no, it isn’t. But, it’s really hot outside and we can only do art and reading for so long…so there!

 

I found myself thinking yesterday that when things finally return to ‘normal’ I will find a better and more consistent exercise routine and then almost simultaneously, I realized…DUH! this is the new normal…at least for now. I’m just going to have to learn how to maximize my time or not hate myself every time I miss a workout.

Losing the baby weight from both pregnancies is hard, people. It takes discipline and hard work. Ugh.

Fun things about Lily– she coos and ‘talks’ now, she’s rolling on her side, she’s chewing on her fingers like she’s getting teeth…but I just don’t think it  can be possible, she’s super smiley, she does NOT like riding in the car if Allee is not present, she can grab the little animals hanging from her play mat and she likes to ‘eat’ them, she’s still super mellow.

Fun things about Allee–she’s getting better and better at tennis, she’s so self-sufficient, she just got her first hair cut, she’s absolutely stunning in every way, she looked at me yesterday and mouthed ‘I love you’ just because she wanted to,  she tried a banana and raisins last week and claimed she liked them! (oh and she ate my banana muffins and loved them!)

 

And she awakes…more later

Summer So Far

Images I’d like to sear to my memory:

Allee and Jimmy lounging in the inflatable pool, squirting each other with water guns.

Allee hitting her first tennis ball over the net.

Allee holding her nose as she goes under water (willingly) for the first time of the summer.

Lily, on the bed, gurgling and smiling her big smile.

Holding Lily, while swinging on the deck, and listening to the whir of the neighborhood air conditioners, the chirping of the birds, the squirrels scolding the cats, and feeling the scorch of the sun as it tries to penetrate the awning.

Seeing Lily ’see’ herself in the mirror for the first time.

Watching Allee walk to Olivia’s house…knowing that she’s at the beginning of a friendship that could last a lifetime.

Feeling contentment when the house is tidy and the lawn is freshly cut.

So Random

Lily likes to squawk at me to show her pleasure and displeasure…

I love how she tries to eat/suck her fingers. She flails her hands up to her face (sometimes going crosseyed to see her hands),after several failed attempts she sticks her entire hand/fist into her mouth and then tries to get a thumb or finger loose to suck on. Within seconds you hear the suck, suck, suck and a sigh of success only to be followed by a shriek of anger or frustration when her hand slips from her mouth.

Not sleeping ages you and causes your skin to look really crappy.

I hate trying to garden in soil made of clay.

Allee is maturing every second. She’s no longer my little baby girl; she seems so grown up. I’m happy for her and sad for me.

Sleep and My Babies

I don’t remember much about the first few months of Allee’s infancy. I felt so sleep deprived and it was my main talking point for weeks (if not months)–all I could think about and talk about was the need for more sleep and when was she going to sleep and P.S.–did I tell you I need more sleep?!?? When I wasn’t OBSESSED with that, I was worried about the screaming–why, why, WHY! was she screaming…what was wrong with me?? Well, it turns out she was reacting to the formula she was given and when we straightened that out she was a much happier baby. She didn’t really learn how to sleep on her own until she was 3…but that was our fault not hers.

In my infinite wisdom, I decided that I would not obsess about sleep with Lily and that I would be so much better about sleep training her.  Turns out she’s sleep training me. I totally made sleep my talking point for these last 9 weeks and have hated myself every time I uttered a word about it…but I couldn’t help it, sleep is apparently more important than I gave it credit for.

To Lily’s credit–she’s a fairly decent sleeper. Lately she’s only getting up from about 3-4:30 AM and she takes some really great naps. I’m just spoiled and I don’t want her to have a hard time learning how to sleep by herself (it was so hard on us and Allee to get her to where she is now).

She’s Here!!!

Lily Claire Gay arrived on March 5th at 12:05 pm..weighing a solid 7 lbs. 11 ounces and was 18.5 inches long.

 The last two weeks before she was born seemed to move, simultaneously, at warp and snail-like speed. I had so much to do before she came and I was pretty uncomfortable–having contractions (mild ones) from doing too much (like prepping for the sub after a full day of work until 7 pm the night before I had her) and feeling a lot of pressure. I was so happy when the 5th came so that I could meet Lily and be done with pregnancy heartburn forever.

On the 5th we woke up, got Allee ready for school, got the house ready for my parents and packed the bag for the hospital. We ran Allee to school and proceeded to the hospital–trying very hard not to be late for the 10 AM arrival time (we barely made it). Once there the process was a whirlwind of questions, needles, and family until noon when they wheeled me into the OR. Within 5 minutes of starting, Lily was born–it was incredibly quick ( I highly recommend C-sections)–and she let us have it–she’s cried and cried and cried. By the time she made it to my room she had recovered nicely and has been so good ever since. The hardest part of the day was not having feeling in my legs until about 7 pm–so bizarre!

So, here we are–a family of 4.

Allee is such a wonderful big sister. She loves Lily and offers her hugs, kisses, and songs on a daily basis. Lily is a sweet baby…she cries for food, clean diapers, or to be held–such a difference from Allee (feeding issues) who was sweet but very vocal. If we could only get Lily to sleep more at night, life would be so very good.

Juggling 2 children is interesting and challenging. I’m trying to figure it all out–something tells me this will take a lifetime of investigation. For now I’m happy that both girls are usually clean, dressed, fed and appear to be happy.

I’ve been taking life slowly–but I’ve justified it to myself: this is my last child and possibly the only time off I’ll take before I retire. I’m enjoying watching Lily give me gummy smiles and funny grunts…it happens so fast, which is why having no rest for the last 6 weeks is okay because I happen to know that it will not last forever. I’m hopeful that Lily is on the cusp of sleeping longer at night…perhaps wishful thinking??

I’m also enjoying spending time with Allee at her school–something I may never be able to do like I am able to do now.

Lily is waking–motherhood calls…

Really. I mean really?

Where to start? I have so many things…where to start and will I ever finish?

Well–most recently–the sub (you know,the one that actually came by my classroom and introduced himself to me…the one that WANTED or NEEDED my position) just backed out of the sub job via email after being incommunicado for weeks. I had a sneaking suspicion he was going to do this when he quit responding to my emails but I just chalked it up to paranoia. I hope Mary can find an excellent replacement because I’ve been promising my kids that they’ll have someone fabulous. Now I feel like a big fat liar. So, yeah, REALLY??!!

And what’s up with students emailing in a panic the NIGHT before an assignment is due because they’ve lost the assignment sheet. Um, hello. You’ve had it since DECEMBER…ya think you could’ve asked before NOW??? Even better…is the accusatory tone from said students about why I did not respond more quickly to panicked email. SERIOUSLY??? OMG.

Less important but still…I have a huge watermelon appendage growing on me. Is it possible to be this huge?  Notes to self the next time an inkling of baby fever strikes:

• consistent sleep is pretty much gone forever
• feet, what feet? oh you mean those things you have to somehow ‘dress’ every school day with out tipping over…now that’s a blast.
• heartburn. need i say more?
• the flab…why???
• who doesn’t love being shaped like the letter D, really? Is there a better letter??
• pregnancy brain–kind of like being a blonde, only better.

The list could be endless. But my eyelids are heavy and I have miles to go before I sleep.

 Before I sign off, though. I do have to say that as miraculous as having a child grow inside of you is…it’s also a bit strange. If you think about having another human being inside of you and what that feels like…it’s mind-blowing.  Sometimes it’s intrusive. Sometimes amazing. Many times uncomfortable. But, really? having another HUMAN BEING GROWING INSIDE OF YOU???? nuts.

Goodbye 2008. Hello 2009.

When I think back to last year I don’t even know what to think. My life seems all muddled and unclear if I try to think of exactly what happened and when. I’m fairly certain, though, that while I secretly hoped that this is where I would be in January 2009, I had absolutely no idea that it would actually happen.  Mainly I think of January to June of last year as months full of wishful, anxious desires. I wanted to be out of the Trace Loop house; I was conflicted about broaching the subject of a second child; I was worried about how to make it all happen.

Well, here I am. In a beautiful (while still needing some updating) house, with a beautiful husband and daughter and a brand new daughter on the way. I am so very appreciative of all that we have and all that we have to look forward to. We have worked hard to get here and we have lots of hard work to do–but I feel so content about it.

2008 brought so many changes to me and those around me–changes I couldn’t necessarily anticipate and changes that will continue to impact us in the months and years to come. While I am eager to see how things change and transform over this next year, I’m finding myself increasingly able to be patient and accepting of things as they are. In the past I found myself trying to troubleshoot every angle of every challenge and that approach stirred up a lot of anxiety and stress. This trait is very ingrained in me, but I’m trying out new skills–trying to learn how to weather a storm and not kill myself with why I didn’t anticipate a certain problem. I’m a control freak/planner in many ways but I’m finding a lot of pleasure in letting go of some of the insignificant things that used to nag at me. I’m not sure how long I will last in this peaceful place–but I’m just going to enjoy it for now. 

I don’t know what I think about resolutions at the beginning of a new year. I guess I think that if it works for you–do it, if not, don’t. I’m not sure if I’ve ever REALLY made resolutions in the past, and I don’t think I’ll start now. I do hope, though, that I continue to improve as a daughter/sister/friend/wife/mother/teacher. I hope that my well of patience remains deep. I hope to continue to gain wisdom and to continue to strive to learn and know things. I hope that I continue to be grateful and appreciative for all that I have and that I express it to those that need to hear it. I hope that my friends and family (and really everyone) have the level of wealth, health, and happiness that they desire–or are on the way to finding it. Oh…and I hope that when I stand next to Claire at her wedding that I’ve magically transformed into Heidi Klum–at least for the night.

I’m not sure what this year will bring. Hopefully the blog will help me keep better track of my life.

Um, yeah.

I (we) spent a ridiculous amount of money on Christmas this weekend. Even typing those words makes me cringe. You see, I’m a tight ass with money…so spending it (even on items I know Allee and family will love) is sometimes hard for me.  I know that the pay off will come when I see the delight in her face…but really, do we need to spend so much money?

I’m pondering how to set up a new tradition– one honoring the intent and not the all mighty product. I mean..I’m a realist and all–I know that we will buy STUFF for our children but I’d love to instill a sense of giving and generosity in them rather than a since of expectation. I’d also like to pare down what they get so that they actually appreciate the STUFF instead of always wanting more. I know that I’m the one that can control this. It’s just hard not to get caught up in the moment sometimes. Plus, I’m a lot like my mom. I love giving to people…seeing their delight give me a little thrill.

It would be awesome if I could convince my entire family to save the money and spend it on a nice family vacation–then we’d have time with each other and memories to last a lifetime. I wonder if I could sell them on it?  HMMMM…

Of course, it’s easy for me to say this all right now after I’ve spent more money than some people make in a decade and purchased all the fun STUFF. But, maybe I’ll remember this for next year and try something new.

Jumping back in…

As evidenced by the lack of posting, my life has been a little insane.

Packing, moving, unpacking.

Watching the stock market go down, down, down.

Watching gas prices also go down, down, down.

Watching my waistline get big, bigger, biggest.

Watching my daughter become more delightful by the minute.

Wondering how my 2 daughters will get along and hoping that one day they can be the best of friends.

Marveling at how lucky I am to have a spouse so generous and loving.

Trying to claw my way out of the trench of papers to be graded.

Pondering what my students will be doing after I leave in March.

Loving my new house and my new neighbors.

Constantly trying to find a place for the fish bowl where Gray kitty can’t find it and drink out of it.

Delightfully counting down the days until Christmas break!

Looking forward to taking Allee to Christmas in the Oaks, Miracle on Fulton Street, and meeting Santa at Koop Drive.

Composing posts that never seem to make it to this blog.

Maybe jumping back in this way will entice me to come back and write some more!

one month later…

and my life has changed…or at least to the outside world it has changed. I’ve known that I was pregnant for months…or so it seems. I didn’t really want to talk about it or think too much about it until the doctor confirmed it. Even after he confirmed it I wasn’t incredibly eager to discuss it. I’m not exactly sure why…maybe because I have months and months to live with it and then my entire lifetime to parent it. I’m not sure that’s all of my reasoning or any of it. It was nice to just to be me, or Jimmy’s wife, someone’s friend, Allee’s mom…I know that will all too soon be my life again and am trying to just enjoy this…as much as you can enjoy an ever-expanding waistline.

Other news has consumed our lives too…we’ve found a seller for our house and a house to purchase. As long as the hurricanes continue to spare us, we should be in our new house on the last day of the month. It’s been a whirlwind of phone calls–inspectors, mortgage calls, insurance calls, movers, a/c people, etc… I’ve also started thinking of all the wonderful things I want to add to or change about the house…dreamed of the family gatherings we’ll have and the pool we may put in when we’ve saved enough money…

It just struck me that the new baby will never know the house I live in now…will only know the new house. hmmm.

Last week we lived through Hurricane Gustav. We were without power for days…it got hot and a little uncomfortable, but we made it. Allee was a champ–she never whined and just treated the entire thing like an adventure. I could seriously take a few pages out of her book. Luckily, we emptied our fridge and freezer prior to the loss of power so we didn’t have to deal with the funk. Luckily, trees did not fall on either house. Luckily, my family and friends seem to have made it through the storm with little damage.

I’m ready for a little normalcy.

I seriously need to hit the gym

I very seriously hate pregnancy-induced heartburn.