Goodbye 2008. Hello 2009.

When I think back to last year I don’t even know what to think. My life seems all muddled and unclear if I try to think of exactly what happened and when. I’m fairly certain, though, that while I secretly hoped that this is where I would be in January 2009, I had absolutely no idea that it would actually happen.  Mainly I think of January to June of last year as months full of wishful, anxious desires. I wanted to be out of the Trace Loop house; I was conflicted about broaching the subject of a second child; I was worried about how to make it all happen.

Well, here I am. In a beautiful (while still needing some updating) house, with a beautiful husband and daughter and a brand new daughter on the way. I am so very appreciative of all that we have and all that we have to look forward to. We have worked hard to get here and we have lots of hard work to do–but I feel so content about it.

2008 brought so many changes to me and those around me–changes I couldn’t necessarily anticipate and changes that will continue to impact us in the months and years to come. While I am eager to see how things change and transform over this next year, I’m finding myself increasingly able to be patient and accepting of things as they are. In the past I found myself trying to troubleshoot every angle of every challenge and that approach stirred up a lot of anxiety and stress. This trait is very ingrained in me, but I’m trying out new skills–trying to learn how to weather a storm and not kill myself with why I didn’t anticipate a certain problem. I’m a control freak/planner in many ways but I’m finding a lot of pleasure in letting go of some of the insignificant things that used to nag at me. I’m not sure how long I will last in this peaceful place–but I’m just going to enjoy it for now. 

I don’t know what I think about resolutions at the beginning of a new year. I guess I think that if it works for you–do it, if not, don’t. I’m not sure if I’ve ever REALLY made resolutions in the past, and I don’t think I’ll start now. I do hope, though, that I continue to improve as a daughter/sister/friend/wife/mother/teacher. I hope that my well of patience remains deep. I hope to continue to gain wisdom and to continue to strive to learn and know things. I hope that I continue to be grateful and appreciative for all that I have and that I express it to those that need to hear it. I hope that my friends and family (and really everyone) have the level of wealth, health, and happiness that they desire–or are on the way to finding it. Oh…and I hope that when I stand next to Claire at her wedding that I’ve magically transformed into Heidi Klum–at least for the night.

I’m not sure what this year will bring. Hopefully the blog will help me keep better track of my life.