Really. I mean really?

Where to start? I have so many things…where to start and will I ever finish?

Well–most recently–the sub (you know,the one that actually came by my classroom and introduced himself to me…the one that WANTED or NEEDED my position) just backed out of the sub job via email after being incommunicado for weeks. I had a sneaking suspicion he was going to do this when he quit responding to my emails but I just chalked it up to paranoia. I hope Mary can find an excellent replacement because I’ve been promising my kids that they’ll have someone fabulous. Now I feel like a big fat liar. So, yeah, REALLY??!!

And what’s up with students emailing in a panic the NIGHT before an assignment is due because they’ve lost the assignment sheet. Um, hello. You’ve had it since DECEMBER…ya think you could’ve asked before NOW??? Even better…is the accusatory tone from said students about why I did not respond more quickly to panicked email. SERIOUSLY??? OMG.

Less important but still…I have a huge watermelon appendage growing on me. Is it possible to be this huge?  Notes to self the next time an inkling of baby fever strikes:

• consistent sleep is pretty much gone forever
• feet, what feet? oh you mean those things you have to somehow ‘dress’ every school day with out tipping over…now that’s a blast.
• heartburn. need i say more?
• the flab…why???
• who doesn’t love being shaped like the letter D, really? Is there a better letter??
• pregnancy brain–kind of like being a blonde, only better.

The list could be endless. But my eyelids are heavy and I have miles to go before I sleep.

 Before I sign off, though. I do have to say that as miraculous as having a child grow inside of you is…it’s also a bit strange. If you think about having another human being inside of you and what that feels like…it’s mind-blowing.  Sometimes it’s intrusive. Sometimes amazing. Many times uncomfortable. But, really? having another HUMAN BEING GROWING INSIDE OF YOU???? nuts.

Goodbye 2008. Hello 2009.

When I think back to last year I don’t even know what to think. My life seems all muddled and unclear if I try to think of exactly what happened and when. I’m fairly certain, though, that while I secretly hoped that this is where I would be in January 2009, I had absolutely no idea that it would actually happen.  Mainly I think of January to June of last year as months full of wishful, anxious desires. I wanted to be out of the Trace Loop house; I was conflicted about broaching the subject of a second child; I was worried about how to make it all happen.

Well, here I am. In a beautiful (while still needing some updating) house, with a beautiful husband and daughter and a brand new daughter on the way. I am so very appreciative of all that we have and all that we have to look forward to. We have worked hard to get here and we have lots of hard work to do–but I feel so content about it.

2008 brought so many changes to me and those around me–changes I couldn’t necessarily anticipate and changes that will continue to impact us in the months and years to come. While I am eager to see how things change and transform over this next year, I’m finding myself increasingly able to be patient and accepting of things as they are. In the past I found myself trying to troubleshoot every angle of every challenge and that approach stirred up a lot of anxiety and stress. This trait is very ingrained in me, but I’m trying out new skills–trying to learn how to weather a storm and not kill myself with why I didn’t anticipate a certain problem. I’m a control freak/planner in many ways but I’m finding a lot of pleasure in letting go of some of the insignificant things that used to nag at me. I’m not sure how long I will last in this peaceful place–but I’m just going to enjoy it for now. 

I don’t know what I think about resolutions at the beginning of a new year. I guess I think that if it works for you–do it, if not, don’t. I’m not sure if I’ve ever REALLY made resolutions in the past, and I don’t think I’ll start now. I do hope, though, that I continue to improve as a daughter/sister/friend/wife/mother/teacher. I hope that my well of patience remains deep. I hope to continue to gain wisdom and to continue to strive to learn and know things. I hope that I continue to be grateful and appreciative for all that I have and that I express it to those that need to hear it. I hope that my friends and family (and really everyone) have the level of wealth, health, and happiness that they desire–or are on the way to finding it. Oh…and I hope that when I stand next to Claire at her wedding that I’ve magically transformed into Heidi Klum–at least for the night.

I’m not sure what this year will bring. Hopefully the blog will help me keep better track of my life.

Um, yeah.

I (we) spent a ridiculous amount of money on Christmas this weekend. Even typing those words makes me cringe. You see, I’m a tight ass with money…so spending it (even on items I know Allee and family will love) is sometimes hard for me.  I know that the pay off will come when I see the delight in her face…but really, do we need to spend so much money?

I’m pondering how to set up a new tradition– one honoring the intent and not the all mighty product. I mean..I’m a realist and all–I know that we will buy STUFF for our children but I’d love to instill a sense of giving and generosity in them rather than a since of expectation. I’d also like to pare down what they get so that they actually appreciate the STUFF instead of always wanting more. I know that I’m the one that can control this. It’s just hard not to get caught up in the moment sometimes. Plus, I’m a lot like my mom. I love giving to people…seeing their delight give me a little thrill.

It would be awesome if I could convince my entire family to save the money and spend it on a nice family vacation–then we’d have time with each other and memories to last a lifetime. I wonder if I could sell them on it?  HMMMM…

Of course, it’s easy for me to say this all right now after I’ve spent more money than some people make in a decade and purchased all the fun STUFF. But, maybe I’ll remember this for next year and try something new.

Jumping back in…

As evidenced by the lack of posting, my life has been a little insane.

Packing, moving, unpacking.

Watching the stock market go down, down, down.

Watching gas prices also go down, down, down.

Watching my waistline get big, bigger, biggest.

Watching my daughter become more delightful by the minute.

Wondering how my 2 daughters will get along and hoping that one day they can be the best of friends.

Marveling at how lucky I am to have a spouse so generous and loving.

Trying to claw my way out of the trench of papers to be graded.

Pondering what my students will be doing after I leave in March.

Loving my new house and my new neighbors.

Constantly trying to find a place for the fish bowl where Gray kitty can’t find it and drink out of it.

Delightfully counting down the days until Christmas break!

Looking forward to taking Allee to Christmas in the Oaks, Miracle on Fulton Street, and meeting Santa at Koop Drive.

Composing posts that never seem to make it to this blog.

Maybe jumping back in this way will entice me to come back and write some more!

one month later…

and my life has changed…or at least to the outside world it has changed. I’ve known that I was pregnant for months…or so it seems. I didn’t really want to talk about it or think too much about it until the doctor confirmed it. Even after he confirmed it I wasn’t incredibly eager to discuss it. I’m not exactly sure why…maybe because I have months and months to live with it and then my entire lifetime to parent it. I’m not sure that’s all of my reasoning or any of it. It was nice to just to be me, or Jimmy’s wife, someone’s friend, Allee’s mom…I know that will all too soon be my life again and am trying to just enjoy this…as much as you can enjoy an ever-expanding waistline.

Other news has consumed our lives too…we’ve found a seller for our house and a house to purchase. As long as the hurricanes continue to spare us, we should be in our new house on the last day of the month. It’s been a whirlwind of phone calls–inspectors, mortgage calls, insurance calls, movers, a/c people, etc… I’ve also started thinking of all the wonderful things I want to add to or change about the house…dreamed of the family gatherings we’ll have and the pool we may put in when we’ve saved enough money…

It just struck me that the new baby will never know the house I live in now…will only know the new house. hmmm.

Last week we lived through Hurricane Gustav. We were without power for days…it got hot and a little uncomfortable, but we made it. Allee was a champ–she never whined and just treated the entire thing like an adventure. I could seriously take a few pages out of her book. Luckily, we emptied our fridge and freezer prior to the loss of power so we didn’t have to deal with the funk. Luckily, trees did not fall on either house. Luckily, my family and friends seem to have made it through the storm with little damage.

I’m ready for a little normalcy.

I seriously need to hit the gym

I very seriously hate pregnancy-induced heartburn.

must write blog, must write blog, must write blog, must write blog…

Spent a lovely weekend with Allee. Jimmy was in Austin with his siblings celebrating Chuck’s big 4-0 birthday. Sounds like they had fun despite Jimmy’s sciatica flair up and Chuck’s loud snoring (they shared a suite).

Allee and I went to the Aquarium with Ren, Chloe, and Alison. We met up with Claire and Bruce for a yummy lunch at Juan’s. While at lunch I noticed a friend from my coffeeshop days working at the bar. Funny how life works–she’s still in a band, touring Canada and Europe, bartending, living life in NOLA. 8 years later…I’ve married, have a 4 year old, and am an old fogey. I don’t necessarily envy her…it’s just curious.

I restarted my workouts with arms and abs tonight. It felt really good. I have 14 months to look awesome for Claire’s wedding. I really hope to NOT procrastinate on this goal—I hate my wedding pictures and would like to at least look decent in Claire’s (because you know–it’s not about her, it’s about me, of course).

I’m back in my normal school routine which goes something like this:

Me: (busting into Christa’s room like Kramer)–uhhh, what are we doing with the sophomores today?

Her: —fill in her brilliant words here

Me:–oh, yeah…that sounds great… (as I run to the copy machine to frantically make copies)

What would I do without Christa???

Bye Bye Summer

Like sands through the hourglass…my summer has slipped away. Today was my official day back to work and Friday the students return. Today was also Allee’s first day back to school…she was soooo excited to return (she’s been asking for 2 days: “is today a school day??”). I’m not sure if I should be offended or happy. I’d rather think that she just loves school so much that she can’t wait to be there than the alternative–she’s so bored with me that anything is better than boring ol’ mom.

Thinking about this summer, I have no idea where all the time went or what, exactly, we did. I guess we readied the house to sell (still not sold!–but have had 10 showings), Jimmy got a new job, we frolicked at the beach and generally lazed about. It seems like I should have so much more to show for the last 10 weeks, but I’ve got relatively nothing. I remember how long summers used to seem when I was a student…were they longer or did I have absolutely no concept of time?

My baby sister got engaged last weekend to a most wonderful man. I’m so so so SO excited. I can’t wait to see her in her pretty wedding gown…she’ll be magnificent. Yay Claire! What a great way to end my summer…

Goodbye summer, hello work.

Not an English Teacher

You know what I hate? That even when I proofread my posts and think they are mostly error free, I find errors weeks after I’ve ‘published’ it. How embarrassing. Here’s the thing. I’m not, and will not ever be, a grammar queen. I admire those who are and can retain all the rules and guidelines and I wish I had more knowledge about them, but I don’t. I know enough and I know how to find the rules and apply them when I have a question.

I remember racking my brain for the proper way to say things when I used to converse with my English teachers and professors–talking with them made me nervous about saying the wrong thing, in the wrong order, or with the wrong pronoun. Now that I’m on the other side of it, it tickles me to think that someone may have that same worry. Don’t get me wrong–I’m not completely ignorant of the rules (I can catch the errors), I’m just not a Nazi about it like my father or my husband (love you Jimmy!).

I bet my students would be amused to know that their teacher is sometimes corrected by her husband.

I bet in a few days I’ll reread this post and find a stupid error.

2 Weeks Later

It’s been two weeks since my last post. I’ve been writing and rewriting this post in my head for days. I’ve really so little to report.

 I’ve put myself on an internet diet since Allee’s been out of summer camp because it’s really not fair to her and it’s modeling behavior I don’t particularly want to see later. I could get lost on the web…and frequently do…but sometimes I hate the idea of hours of the day being sucked into this laptop with nothing to show for it. I’m not exactly certain that I have anything to show for my time with Allee but it sure does make me feel like a better mom. So, what have we been up to?

Well, about a 2 weeks ago we went to Gulf Shores, AL for a few days. We met up with my brother and his family and frolicked about on the beach for a few days. I think this may be one of the first beach trips Allee will remember. Her cousins, Grayson and Jack, doted on her and followed her wherever she went. The beach was nice (although Allee decided she HATES seaweed!), as was the pool. It was great to spend time with my brother and his wife…we don’t see them nearly enough. We’re hoping to do it again next year and maybe we can convince more of my family to join us.

This past week Allee and I ran various errands; the most tedious one being her 4 year old check up. We love our doctor but we didn’t love the 5 shots that accompanied this visit. Allee took each shot like a champ, though. She also passed the hearing and eye tests with flying colors. She’s the picture of health.

We ending the week with Alison spending the night. The girls danced to the Hannah Montana concert on tv, played dress up, and painted each others nails. It was a nice treat for them and us. Whenever they get together, when they aren’t arguing, they so fully entertain each other that the adults are free to read, check email, converse, etc; it’s super!

Next week begins the slow march to the beginning of the school year. I know that in many ways it will be over before it feels like it started…but right now, I wish it wouldn’t start. I’m in full slacker mode—no makeup or hairdo’s, no ironing or wardrobe issues, no guilt for enjoying life instead of grading papers…

2 weeks from now, I’ll be in school. Time flies.

The Letter I Wish I Could Send

Dear People who Schlepp Through My House,

First of all, I know there are faults to this house; I’ve lived in it for 5 years. I know that the flooring needs to be replaced, that there is an ugly apartment complex across the street, and that my shady yard results in large patches of dirt where grass does not grow.

I also know that the current wisdom in real estate is that the house should look like people live here, but not really. What I mean by that is…our house should look immaculate and “sparkling”, our closets should be sparse, and personal effects should be removed. At this point, however, I am rebelling against conventional real estate wisdom. My house is clean and tidy. My closets are packed with the clothes we wear or the toys Allee plays with. Every room contains pictures of my life with my family. I’m sorry, potential buyer, but we are real people living here. I have a real life 4 year old who likes to play and make messes.  I don’t have the time or energy to make my house a vanilla palatte so that you can come back and put color and life where someone would have me remove it. Maybe I will find a burst of energy or become desperate enough to purge us out of this house…but not yet.

Can’t you see through all of this and picture yourself in this adorable house? I know I spoke of the defects before…but let me tell you of some wonderful things about this house: the back yard is always filled with beautiful birds…families of them…and every single time I go outside I see a butterfly. If you are a biker, you can literally jump on the trace and ride for miles. Our neighbors, even the apartment dwellers, are amazing. Everyone looks out for everyone else.  The interior of the house is comfortable; it keeps us warm in the winter and cool in the summer. It has witnessed the lives of two people merge into 3. It has hosted many gatherings of friends and family. It wants a good family to come and love it like we have. This house will make someone really happy one day…can that someone be you?